Sunday, June 15, 2014

A- What I see as one of the biggest problems

The US has the 33rd highest suicide rate. Though there are countries with higher suicide rates with their own problems, the US probably has separate problems from those problems.

A few weeks ago I was in physics and Mrs. E asked us why we thought people would kill themselves. Depression? Yes. But depression is a mental illness that theoretically, would appear the same amount in countries but the numbers are drastically different according to location.
When I got my PSAT scores back, I was very satisfied and happy about them. I saw that I had done better than the average person and that was where my happiness came from, as there was no other numbers that meant anything. After a little while, I noticed that this was a weird kind of happiness. It was not the kind you got after a nice day spent with friends, or after reading a book you really liked. It was this selfish, sanctimonious kind of happiness. It was the kind of happiness I get on really rare occasions when I step into a room and I'm the most attractive person in it. My intelligence-genes in a reaaally narrow area were better than other peoples! Yippee!! But this kind of fades really fast, when suddenly the moment of achievement passes and you realize that you are still not the best, that you could still be better. That there are still a number people who did better than you and now that you have come this far you must also be better than them. And you may have gotten a good GPA but it wasn't the best and you could always do better. better. better. better. better. better. better. better. But what if I had gotten my score back, and it said: You have done better than 1% of juniors. Even if it had said: You have done better than 30% of juniors. 49% of the population will have received news that they are technically dumber than the average person.
And when I open a magazine I see that there are incredibly beautiful people out there. And at school there are stunningly gorgeous people that everyone seems to worship. And everyone's saying they want to be a doctor because- it sounds sexy! Doesn't the thought of being a doctor just make you feel like you are so much more of a worthwhile human-being than say, a janitor?
And one time I was with an unnamed person and they said, "You would like to think that all people were born with an equal amount of assets. As in, if someone were really smart they wouldn't be that great looking and if someone were really great looking they wouldn't be that smart." But then they said, "It's not that way. I feel that I have more going for me than most people." And it is assumed that is enough to make a person happy, being on the higher end of the genetic pool. But I know for sure that this person is incredibly unhappy. And I know that Ryan and Nora had a lot going for them too so this must not be it.
All my life, I have noticed that it has been stressed that what I want, what I need,  is to be the best. My mom is always saying, be a CEO, be a manager, be a SEXY doctor, you could be the best. But not everyone can be the best! The whole school system is based on being better than others, and if someone did bad from the beginning they have been told their whole life that they are STUPID. I am not hoping for a socialist/Utopian society where everyone is "equal", I am just saying that there should not be so many measures for how good you are based on really superficial things.
I know that I have small boobs (as I've been repeatedly told by certain people with orange hair over the years) and that I am incredibly lacking in common sense but I'll be the first to say that's okay! I know that I will still be influenced by these artificial ladders of intelligence and looks- and that I am rather expectant about my SAT scores but I hope they will never matter too much to me.
And I think that if America put more focus on people living out what they are good at and to just try their best or (probably something better than those motto's) that people wouldn't feel so bad about themselves.
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